Saturday Special: Band of Skulls- Friends

It's ridiculously hot in Tennessee this year and especially since my driver side window stopped working today. Of all things, really. I have had no A/C since 08 because I had my heater core replaced and just haven't put freon back in. However I can no because another problem come up with a pipe leaking Anti-Freeze like no one's business. Let's see, the problems with my car are endless. I must, must, must, buy new tires. I just wish, for once, I could have a job that takes care of me, and I can support myself. It's hard working so little and trying to make a few hundreds stretch for two weeks.

I would like to sell that Dalmatian painting. Save that money towards a better car/truck. Jeep Wrangler. :)

Random Thought

Everyday, women like myself have to be reminded that 'we are gorgeous for who we are.' To stand tall and not have the media or other people put us down because we simply do not look right. That's how I have always felt. This world can be hard and cruel yet beauty is all over. Beauty is what you make of things. Beauty has endless meaning.

This is a painting I finished up sometime last year. It started in 2009 when I was trying to figure out what I had to become. Trying to found new ground and land right. However I'm still trying to find balance. This painting has too many meanings to name out but it is about me. The blue feet, I think anyone could guess, is cold feet. The paper is coals that are on fire. Those two symbols equal being uneasy with life. I have this painting by the front door to remind me to try and land on two feet while walking out to the world. The world is a cruel and a loving place.

sad

I was fine till now.

It's that feeling you get when you try to get up after falling then someone pushes you down again. No matter what you do and how hard you try just proving yourself never works.

I have worked so hard and tried so hard to make people see what I am made of and it feels like I receive nothing in return.

Everything will be okay, I just need a break from here. I need June to hurry and get here so I can leave my home for a bit. Life is so hard. I know, it's repeated statement by many and I wish for once I could have it made easy. I just have to keep working for it I suppose.

Sometimes I feel like I have no one to lean on even though I insist on others leaning on me when they feel like I do. Sometimes I feel like I'm not allowed to feel like this. wah wah wah.

Mother's Day: Part II

This is not even half of my family. This is only a handful. I was so happy to be able to take a picture of the ones who came to my grandparents and I know they will all be happier when, Thanks to my Aunt Nancy, will have a copy of this picture to put in their living room. Thanks Aunt Nancy! ¡Usted no sabe cuánto significa a mí, te amo!

I had my camera on a self time and set it to take 8 pictures just in case someone had their eyes closed or mouth open. Of course when my camera started to click away, everyone thought it was odd.

Why is it clicking so much?

I have a lot of picture to edited and I was too exhausted to fix some up for today, so it might be tomorrow because I'm extremely busy today! I will tell everyone that I enjoyed my walk around my grandparents farm and relaxing that day. I took a million pictures and some did not come out so great because of the setting I might have them on but I shall not delete them. My motto is "even if it sucks, it's worth keeping at some point."

Also, I learned how to make a lotus flower, sort of. I can not for the life of my figure out how to get the petals to become like "petals". Mine are so sharp and stiff. However, I learned a form of origami and I am indeed proud.

April passes, mid in May, fun in June

On the green way we took a path unknown

My luck changed when I found you

A bed of comfy clovers

A drink to an adventurous day

These are back in April when I was so consumed with school and had hardly anytime to explore. School was so overwhelming and I just learned I did not pass a certain class. I figured as much but that's ok, I'll take it online during summer and bump up that grade. It's been a sore spot for some time but I will not stress over it. Take what may.

Also, sun tea is very delicious, I took a mason jar, fill is with water, two tea bags, and let it sit in the sun for 3 hours. Then I added sugar to my liking. It's worth waiting for on those nice spring evenings.

The Dimes - Catch Me Jumping (Live) from grammar school on Vimeo.

Friday Music

The past few days have been, well, crazy. I really don't want to leak any info out but it's just too much to handle with the end of school coming and tons of papers due. It's been slow and no exciting news to blog. However I bought an amazing sweater from Cracker Barrel this morning. 75% off. Amazing.

You know what else is amazing. Well, who else is amazing? Nathan. He is my wonder. My love. My shiny lunch box.

untitled

I piece my life together

Pretending to see whats wrong

I sit and look out this window and feel the wind

kiss my skin

Wishing the wind could pick me up

and take me away

making the best of the little things

Life. Such a gentle name for a short time of existing on this small world. We pick and choose how to live it, each choice always has a pathway to go down. Twisting and turning with every decision we make.

Today my mother took me to have my tags renewed because I simply have no money at this moment. Money comes and goes. I took her to Backyard Burger on Memorial as a thank you for helping me out. We then bought two waffle cones and sat in the booth for an hour and a half talking about where we lived and how it was an adventure. across the street beyond the tall fence is an apartment complex that used to scare us to step outside at night. Rethinking those past times brought a smile to my face. We moved there because it was cheaper than living in a Hotel 6 for a week.

This school semester is almost over with. I'm so thankful, I've worked so hard to push myself to get threw and I'm almost there. May will welcome me with her loving arm's and bring something new and unknown. How exciting. I'm waiting patiently for June because not only does it hold my birthday but a chance to enjoy a vacation with my man. My mother is kind enough to let us borrow her car since mine would sadly die on the way to our destination. We are bound west, a place I have only ventured to once and looking forward to it again!

I had mentioned to my sister that I think we should start going to a baseball field and play softball. It's been years since I've last tested my skill to hitting a ball and I would love to see if I still got game. Hopefully we will be able to do that and have a blast. That would be a great way to start our summer break.

new groove

Flower Hot Topic

I feel much better to not have dreads on my head. I can get as creative as I want to again with my hair. Oh how I've missed you so. You may not believe me but I am growing out my dark natural hair again, I believe it's time but I want stop dying the fake part. Fake part meaning the unseemly reddish tint to my hair.



Madre and I had our pictures taken a few days ago and the man photographing us took many pictures of me but few of my madre. His plan was to ask me to model for him and he gave me his number. Not sure where that will go but who knows. I'm my own model and that's about it.



Maybe I can model in my new bathing suit I picked up at Lane Byrant. Pretty much an investment but worth the charge on my card. I'm trying not to let it get me in trouble and so far so good.

Retro one piece swimsuit

Lane Bryant

Getting things together in the apartment has been rather slow: lack of wanting to do it, school, work (when I do), and enjoying my free time without studying. We need book cases really bad but the ones I want are too expensive or can't find at a yard sale. The one things we really need is a study desk. oy!

I am all that is woman

not all that is man. yeah that's right, i changed a tire for the first time. i had to because the tire i purchased in Jan had a wittle hole in it. so tiny it would let out all the air. gas stations knew my name by heart. not really but i visited them until i drive my happy butt to this hole in the wall place.

"next time, you pay." thanks Wilber.

i borrowed a camera. a nice 10.0 mega pixel Canon PowerShot SX120 IS. it holds up for what it's meant to do. i'm hopping very soon i'll get my new dream camera. not the 7D or the EOS 5D SLR but the T1i. Another model is coming out in a few days with not a lot of difference in the price tag but just enough for me to say no thanks Canon, I'll keep my eyes on the other one. it's only about $750. i'm excited but of course if i can not get my hands on it i do have another one in mind. it's another PowerShot with a built in macro lens and interchangeable lenses. still, i want the camera that my hands where meant to hold and my eyes were meant to see threw.

not having a camera has drawn me to a weird depression. like having your doll taken out of your arms and handed to another kid. that's what might of happened to mine. i hope your safe my old lover.

Transform

I was working all of last week and this week I'll be doing the same but tomorrow I have a day off. Sadly Nathan goes to school. However on the 28th when I get out of Target (got the job) at 5:30 I'll be changing clothes to see KISS....

KISS!!!

I think the most awesome thing that did beat the news I am about to saw is that I finally get paid every week now. I will not be without money. I take care of some things. This does keep me from wanting to go back to school incase I'm offered a permant postion at Target. Moving to Smyrna looks slim now and I'm in a pickle. I am going back to school, I want to buy books and yada yada. I wish I could keep both jobs. I wish I worked at Target at the beginning of the year. (sigh)

Making things better is a beauty

I really hope that after all my hard work it pays off that I can finally get things back on track. I was offered a job at Target and now I'm just waiting on the call for my orientation. Even though its a seasonal postion I really hope that I'm kept on. I really need a steady income so I can take care of myself and help Nathan. He's so good to me and the strongest man I know. I'm blessed.

Other then that I've picked up the bass yet again. I was never that good but I do have rythem. I'm taking mine to Sabrina's tonight to tune it and practice, maybe with Ramsey. Here's Ramsey's myspace page. Grand anonymous

I would like to take time to play. After so many years of saying how much I wanted one I'd like to use it.

Just a bit confused

I don't understand things most of the time and I feel when I say something people take it differently. However, I have no idea what I said to make a long time friend just stop being friends with me. Maybe it was a error on their part or maybe not.

I hate how things are always mixed up between sexes. It always seems like no one can be friends and with the way things look I have hardly any at all.

On letting go, can't keep them forever

I've been stopping by Plato's Closet to try and earn extra money. So far it's totaled up to $13 but that's all gone. I stopped by my mothers to see if there was anything else I could find. Some heels I no longer wear and some boots. I tried getting rid of some scarfs an ex-boyfriend gave me as a surprise because I love scarfs. I think that was the hardest thing to do really. You hold on to these silly memento's only to bring you back to why you no longer want them. There are still a few things I can't bring myself to get rid of but it's progress. The girl that works at Plato's did not buy the scarfs so I dropped them in the Outreach Thrift bin. This weight was lifted from my shoulders.

It used to bother me so much that I wish I could have certain memories erased, like in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. There is one I wish I could work out, like every time my sister (best friend) says she misses someone (that I dated) I get uneasy because he and I ended on very bad terms. I think of ways to tell him I'm sorry and how I wish we could work it out and be good friends for the sake of my sister. However he is across seas, starting over, who knows when he will be back. Other times I don't care to ever be friends with him ever again but that's just who I am. When someone I used to know left be high and dry I tend to hold a grudge against them for a long period of time. Did I ever mention that out of the few I dated I'm only friends with two and one is a close friend?

Why do we put up these odd walls around people that they used to know?

New Hair and Pretty Things

I need to fix the back apparently but I love how I did it. Yes, I did cut it myself, my mom taught me everything I know. She made the comment that I should think about going to cosmetology school and I replied that I will ponder on that idea.

At work my coworkers were surprised. New hair cut, new dress, new boots. I felt foxy and I had this one little sweet girl who kept looking at me and smiling from ear to ear. It was so cute. These past few days since I cut my hair has been amazing. I feel new and I think I look more my age then with the longer hair. I might keep this up for a bit. This means I might not be dreading my hair again anytime soon. I applied for a 2nd job as a temp in the mall and I hope that goes threw. All the earnings are going towards something wonderful. psshcanonrebelxticanonrebelxtipssh. I've been dreaming over a Canon Rebel for the past 5yrs. Only to hold it with a wire attached to it with a red flashing light or the one Sabrina was given.




That's the one thing that cracks me up and I find irony in it. Things I've been admiring over, wanting for so long, and then someone is simply given that item. A coworker was given a Sidekick and Sabrina was given a new camera. I however want to pay for them. I no longer want the Sidekick, I'm switching to AT&T when my contract goes out in December.




Let's stray from my life and go to something else. I'm in search of a Flapper hat or better known as Cloche hat. I found some that I simply love but I'm not to big on ordering online and their rather expensive.

Trisha Okubo

Stylehive

My 1920s Wedding

la sigh, such pretty things.

September you are amazing

I fixed my lap top after 6 months of not being able to use it. Mom found the start up CD thing for it in a draw full of crap. Toshiba was going to charge 19.95+ shipping. So I put that off in hopes of mom finding the CD. She did two months ago and I put it off because I was scared I'd screw it up but I put my big girl panties on and did it. All I need is my power cord, I jacked Nathan's.

Work is ok for now, hours are slow on rolling in and finding that 2nd job is tough. I did however apply to Target a few hours ago. I changed my myspace account just in case. Double checking if I have left no stone unturned. I know how business sometimes go about finding out things. I need to go to my youtube account also.

I'm hoping to get that upper ball joint for my front left end soon. Waiting sucks and I'm scared to drive my car. My new gas pump is not really working, I can't tell how much gas I have left. So I go by how much I put in and reset the odometer. Working pretty good, I just don't trust my car on long distanced trips. I'll have to fill up for now on.

Freaky things have been happening around the apartment and Nathan finally saw an event, my wine bottle on the window seal started to move back and forth. Things are getting weird.

I just found out that its a good chance Minus the Bear will be coming to Club 527 sometime soon and Murder by Death is coming 10/23.

(sigh) I need to see a concert, it's been awhile.

This season

I still remember the dream that I had this morning, I still remember rolling over and seeing his face close to me. I remember hearing my phone ring in my dream and seeing who it was and when I went to go answer it I woke up. I woke up to 2 Minutes to Midnight by Iron Maiden and saw that mom was calling me.

"You need to come out here, now. Darla is loose, running around."

"What? How did she get loose? Be there in ten."

Haven't had my coffee and haven't cooked breakfest. I pulled on my jeans, put on my bra, and oversized t-shirt. Walk like a zombie to the living room and put on my shoes. Realize my shoes are under some clothes in our room. When I woke up he had already left for work, must have been 10mins before mom called. I grab my keys and purse and open the door to a chilly morning. The Fall season will come around early.

The drive to moms this morning was very, nice. I rolled the windows down and put on my ray bans. Felt the cool air on my skin and put my car on cruise control.

cash is king

I still think I deserve better and after finding out that they never called me to come in but let everyone else know really pissed me off. Really pushes my buttons.

Well, I have my car back but the right upper ball joint will need to be replaced soon. Like next week soon and then depending how long it takes I should have her back on the same day.

I wish I worked from home at this point and painted, play with Darla, and spent time with my sister.

Other then all this mess life has been treating me fair outside the mall. Nathan bought me a Creative Zen which has 32gb. Found it at Essex's and before we went there we went to the Goodwill in Smyrna and I found a Polaroid 420 for $10 bucks. I think I might have film for it some where at my moms.

Money

Almost a week without my car.

I love when Money by Pink Floyd comes on at work because it always makes me smile when I'm ringing up people.

Two weeks with my dreads? Taking them out at the end of the month, relaxing my head for a day and then putting them in again. Trying to get Nathan to get his motorcycle out, it's been month's. Nothing to report.

jem- 24

my senior year of high school i was excited about the movie ultra violet, because of this song. i would sit in my web design class& replay this song in my headphones over& over again. when the movie came out into theater's i went with two friend's& from the get go i was so pissed during the whole film. i will never get those few hours back but i still have that song.

it was, however, better than bloodrayne. bloodrayne was the worst movie i have ever seen& the grossest sex scene recorded on film. the whole time i sat there these four guys behind me kept making groaning noises& sexual remarks. go figure.

i finished all season's of gilmore girls& i kind of teared up a little bit, not because me late night's of laying on my bed& watching it was over, it's because rory gets asked a question& lor sparks flames with luke again. end scene. damn!

nathan has found an apartment& shall be moving into in a month. i asked if i could decor his pad& he said maybe but maybes are always a yes to me. always always always. i'm painting two paintings& they'll both go into his apartment. i have a HUGE red rectangle propped up against my tv stand waiting to be filled. i need paint!

i have bad news, news that made me go weak& purchase 25.00 dollar's worth of beer's. i didn't get drunk but i did get toasty with madre. all i can say is lime's baby, lime's. anyway, my bad news-- i was denied my pell grant& my appeal for the pell grant. i was also denied a loan& my mom was going to do collateral on her car but couldn't afford it.

at 11:30am mom will be having knee surgery& i'll have to spend a few week's helping her move her leg so she want get any blood clots, so, i think i needed a school break.