simple enough

when i was little, about 3-5, i used to have the hardest time swallowing my own saliva. some times i would have to just spit it out in a napkin or in my pillow if i was to scared to get out of my bed. i remember i even forgot how to the breath. i also used to get tongue tied a lot& would have a really hard time completing my sentences or even starting my sentences. i would studder if i become nervous& would get aggravated& studder even more if i couldn't say what i wanted to say. it's like my brain would get stuck in mud. this would happen when people couldn't hear or was not listening.

i've been doing this every now& it has been getting on my last nerve. when i'm at work& someone ask me if this will turn their hair white e.i. bleach kit i'll try explaining to him/her that you should really start on the tips of your hair& work your way up. he/she gave me a look like i was an idiot. i wanted to tell he/her, "look, my mother has been a cosmetologist for the past 40+ some odd years, so i know what i'm talking about. i've also used bleach kit's in the past, 3 times." i told her instead "the top of your head is constantly heated& bleach is heat sensitive. if you start there first it'll be white& then your tips will be sun burst. if you dye your hair a curtain color it want look right. besides bleaching your hair isn't healthily for you anyway to begin with& damages/kills it."

this is bleach?

she thought it was white hair color, the kit said it in bright red big bold letter's on the front... how STUPID could you be?

her boyfriend looked at me& laughed. i felt so pissed off by then& extremely belittled. this woman was a moron& made me studder in aggravation. before this woman, a mother& daughter came to my register to buy rock band t-shirts. it's buy on get the 2nd half off so i rang it up& gave the discount.

"that'll be 30.81 ma'am."

excuse me? is that with the discount? did you even put the discount?

"well, one was 20 the other was 15 ma'am."

why couldn't you have done the most expensive. by this time the daughter rolled her eyes& walked away. i knew how that felt when a parent used to act all bigger than the person behind the counter& i swore i'd never do that. i haven't yet either.

"no, ma'am. i'm told to do the lesser one." she then told me to get a gift card (twilight of course)& put 50 on it. i thought she said 50.45 because she had an accent.

50... 5-oh. i hate the fact that i or anyone else is treated differently behind a counter. i have been in retail for 5yrs& i'm still treated like nothing. sometimes. i didn't say anything besides have a good night.

anyway... it's been a stressful week& it's about to get even more stressful. i have to work 35.5 hours next week& will only have christmas day off. i don't mind because as i told one of my co-workers, i'll be "BIG BALLIN'!" i added it all up& i'll be getting a nice check. of course the gov will get a nice chunk. i told myself that when i turn in my taxes& get my check if it's around 300 i'm going to bonaroo.

for now, i'll be stuttering, pausing& making an idiot out of my self to customers& teachers. which btw, i'm going back to motlow because i couldn't pull a grand out of my ass for school at MTSU. i'm too scared to borrow money since we're in a recession.


p.s. i locked myself out of my car tonight.... that sucked.