house party

i went to a house party last night after work, not really expecting to do anything but i have grown tired of staying at home doing nothing. unless it's with nathan then i'm perfectly fine but i still want to do something exciting. so i did, i found my way, stopped at a liquor store with two friends, bought some tea& had a lovely time. i mingled, i tried to socialize but the whole time i felt like Zach Braff in Garden State. i was leaning up against a wall in a twinkle lit room staring at the worst paintings i ever saw& trying to listen to the lamest conversations i ever heard. i had on my jacket& i had to take it off because it was so hot. then i realized how much i hated being so close to bodies i did not know. it remind me when i used to go to Nashville to go see bands i hardly listened to just to be there& be seen. i hated standing in a room with older men& knowing that their crotches were like right there up against my back side. it grossed me out& it didn't make it better when i came home& my mom would ask me if i had been smoking a gas station.

it was indeed better outside. where the cool air kissed my shoulders& i could breathe. i smoked a cigarette from "France" after asking i guy that i did not know, who managed a band that i never heard of from Chicago, if i could have one. He handed it me one but didn't allow me to use his lighter so i stole a cherry light from a friend. after that i was left alone again with people i did not know. so i sat on a trampoline& saw people that i did know but haven't talked to in 3 or 4yrs& i began to feel like i was like 2 inches tall, no one noticing that i'm there. so i put on my jacket because i started to get cold. i started seeing more& more people that i knew but couldn't go up& talk to them because there are always those strange vibes coming from both of us. why have we lost touch with one another? you can't tell that other person what's really on your mind. why the fuck did you stop talking to me?

i joined another friend in the bathroom after grabbing someones Pepsi from the friends& chased five shots of it with cranberry vodka. i was tipsy but still able to know that i was not drunk& would not be getting drunk. i think towards the end i started seeing more& more people that i knew& wanted to get the fuck out of there. i started wishing that i drove in my car& not got a ride with my two other friends. i started wishing how i just went home to nathan& i would be laying next to him. i started thinking how this was a mistake& i'm making a total ass of my self because i feel like everyone is laughing at me. i started thinking this house would be really cool if there was not so much liquor bottles weren't decorating it& i wondered who lived here before these cavemen moved it. i started thinking i would love to have that fine tree house in my backyard minus the potheads smoking weed up there.

i started thinking i should take my friends keys& drive us all back to my other friends apartment so i could gather my stuff& head to nathans to fall asleep in his arms were no one i know& don't care for can see me or hear me laugh. i start thinking i'm no longer going to house parties unless i have a best friend to stay with me at all times.